i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
