Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
