I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
