This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
