i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
