You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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