FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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