I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
