I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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