never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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