I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
