summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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