man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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