she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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