This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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