I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
