I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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