3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
