too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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