its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
