Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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