I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
