my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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