idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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