I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just google imaged poop.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
