The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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