Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
