Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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