So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
