well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
