the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
