I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize