omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
