take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
