the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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