I don't remember. Are we still dating?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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