he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
