He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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