Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
