I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
