Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just cropdusted the office
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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