If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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