Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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