Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
