well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
