No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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