Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
