I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
