HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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