These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
