btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize