so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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