it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
