Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize