I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
