I have demons in me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
