covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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