i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
