i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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