So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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