I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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