I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
