the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
