And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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