Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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