So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She told me I should be a condom model.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
