Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
