I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
