Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
