I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
