this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
