You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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