We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
