Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My life is pants optional.
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