Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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