im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
