it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
