i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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