We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
