sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
try to milk me bitch
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