I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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