I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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