im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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